Sanitation Automaton

Sanitation Automaton (Murders at Karlov Manor)
Mike Burns

When this creature enters, surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put it into your graveyard.)

"I am once again bursting with discarded theories. Disposal imminent."

Skull Saucer (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Flying When this creature enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice this creature when your head stops touching the table.

No body is ready for this kind of power.

Etali, Primal Storm (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

How Is This a Par Three?! (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Whenever you cast a spell, you may have target player mill X cards, where X is the number of words in that spell's name.

Against the infinite backdrop of space, isn't all golf miniature?

Goblin Cruciverbalist (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Haste When this creature enters, create a colorless artifact token named your choice of A, E, I, O, or U. Whenever this creature attacks, using the first letters of the names of permanents you control, spell a word you haven't spelled this game. It gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each letter in that word.

Vegetation Abomination (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Deathtouch {T}, Sacrifice this creature: Roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

The animal and vegetable categories kind of merged over time.

Contraption Cannon (Unstable)
Mike Burns

{2}, Sacrifice this artifact: It deals damage to any target equal to the number of Contraptions you control.

Common side effects include headaches, ringing in ears, and excessive smithereens. In some cases, a small hole in space-time may develop.

Mana Geyser (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

Add {R} for each tapped land your opponents control.

Beast in Show (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Trample

"Not a surprise to see her on the podium. This paragon of tusk curvature is just the latest addition to the long championship lineage of Wildspeaker Ranch."

Handy Dandy Clone Machine (The List (Unfinity Foil Edition))
Mike Burns

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

Early testing failed because the clones were all thumbs.

Deathbloom Thallid (Dominaria)
Mike Burns

When this creature dies, create a 1/1 green Saproling creature token.

"Nature is not always gentle or kind, but all life begets life." —Marwyn of Llanowar

Crash of Rhino Beetles (Commander 2018)
Mike Burns

Trample This creature gets +10/+10 as long as you control ten or more lands.

"When the herd moves, so should you." —Yon Basrel, Oran-Rief survivalist

The Crowd Goes Wild (Battlebond)
Mike Burns

Assist (Another player can pay up to {X} of this spell's cost. You choose the value of X.) Support X. (Put a +1/+1 counter on each of up to X target creatures.) Each creature with a +1/+1 counter on it gains trample until end of turn.

Deathbloom Thallid (Core Set 2021)
Mike Burns

When this creature dies, create a 1/1 green Saproling creature token.

"Nature is not always gentle or kind, but all life begets life." —Marwyn of Llanowar

Deathbloom Thallid (Jumpstart 2022)
Mike Burns

When this creature dies, create a 1/1 green Saproling creature token.

"Nature is not always gentle or kind, but all life begets life." —Marwyn of Llanowar

Quarry Beetle (Jumpstart 2022)
Mike Burns

When this creature enters, you may return target land card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

"The ruin of the past is the topsoil of the future." —Sokar, former Nef-crop initiate

Sanitation Automaton (Murders at Karlov Manor)
Mike Burns

When this creature enters, surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put it into your graveyard.)

"I am once again bursting with discarded theories. Disposal imminent."

Skull Saucer (Unsanctioned)
Mike Burns

Flying When this creature enters, destroy target creature and put your head on the table. Sacrifice this creature when your head stops touching the table.

No body is ready for this kind of power.

Quarry Beetle (Hour of Devastation)
Mike Burns

When this creature enters, you may return target land card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

"The ruin of the past is the topsoil of the future." —Sokar, former Nef-crop initiate

Delayed Blast Fireball (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

Delayed Blast Fireball deals 2 damage to each opponent and each creature they control. If this spell was cast from exile, it deals 5 damage to each opponent and each creature they control instead. Foretell {4}{R}{R} (During your turn, you may pay {2} and exile this card from your hand face down. Cast it on a later turn for its foretell cost.)

Flavor Judge (Unsanctioned)
Mike Burns

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice this creature and counter that spell or ability.

"...and now they're trying to make a brick wall on my property fight a dinosaur to the death."

Ghalta, Primal Hunger (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

Crash of Rhino Beetles (Commander Masters)
Mike Burns

Trample This creature gets +10/+10 as long as you control ten or more lands.

"When the herd moves, so should you." —Yon Basrel, Oran-Rief survivalist

The Crowd Goes Wild (The List)
Mike Burns

Assist (Another player can pay up to {X} of this spell's cost. You choose the value of X.) Support X. (Put a +1/+1 counter on each of up to X target creatures.) Each creature with a +1/+1 counter on it gains trample until end of turn.

Flavor Judge (The List (Unfinity Foil Edition))
Mike Burns

{T}: Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, sacrifice this creature and counter that spell or ability.

"...and now they're trying to make a brick wall on my property fight a dinosaur to the death."

Beast in Show (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Trample

"A stunning example of the breed! Flawless plating, ruthlessly efficient death stroke, and an excellent drool shimmer."

How Is This a Par Three?! (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Whenever you cast a spell, you may have target player mill X cards, where X is the number of words in that spell's name.

Against the infinite backdrop of space, isn't all golf miniature?

Solve the Equation (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

Search your library for an instant or sorcery card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Ramunap Hydra (Hour of Devastation Promos)
Mike Burns

Vigilance, reach, trample This creature gets +1/+1 as long as you control a Desert. This creature gets +1/+1 as long as there is a Desert card in your graveyard.

Fierce Guardianship (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

If you control a commander, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost. Counter target noncreature spell.

Swinging Ship (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Visit — After the first combat phase this turn, there's an additional combat phase. At the beginning of that combat, untap all creatures that attacked this turn.

"A good ride should always feel like something has gone terribly wrong." —*Salzon's Ride Review*

Soulstinger (Amonkhet)
Mike Burns

When this creature enters, put two -1/-1 counters on target creature you control. When this creature dies, you may put a -1/-1 counter on target creature for each -1/-1 counter on this creature.

Kwain, Itinerant Meddler (Bloomburrow Commander)
Mike Burns

{T}: Each player may draw a card, then each player who drew a card this way gains 1 life.

"Invite your friends! Invite your family! Invite some strangers! Tonight we feast!"

Animate Graveyard (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Enchant your graveyard Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard. If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile this Aura.

Beast in Show (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Trample

"Something really special in the baloth category this season, in terms of spike density and quality. We'd like to get a word with the handler, but are unable to locate her at this time."

Swinging Ship (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Visit — After the first combat phase this turn, there's an additional combat phase. At the beginning of that combat, untap all creatures that attacked this turn.

"I feel just like Kari Zev! Ragavan, set a course for Lathnu!" —Vorthos, Steward of Myth

Main Event Horizon (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z. Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.

"Anna and Blaine said the ride was awesome. Yolanda and Zachary aren't back yet."

Three-Headed Goblin (The List (Unfinity Foil Edition))
Mike Burns

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

It's true that two heads are better than one, but after that you run into diminishing returns.

Ramunap Hydra (Hour of Devastation)
Mike Burns

Vigilance, reach, trample This creature gets +1/+1 as long as you control a Desert. This creature gets +1/+1 as long as there is a Desert card in your graveyard.

Main Event Horizon (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z. Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.

"Anna and Blaine said the ride was awesome. Yolanda and Zachary aren't back yet."

Lightning Bolt (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Saproling (Dominaria Tokens)
Mike Burns

Animate Graveyard (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Enchant your graveyard Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard. If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile this Aura.

Karn, the Great Creator (Bloomburrow Commander)
Mike Burns

Activated abilities of artifacts your opponents control can't be activated. +1: Until your next turn, up to one target noncreature artifact becomes an artifact creature with power and toughness each equal to its mana value. −2: You may reveal an artifact card you own from outside the game or choose a face-up artifact card you own in exile. Put that card into your hand.

Vegetation Abomination (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Deathtouch {T}, Sacrifice this creature: Roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.

The animal and vegetable categories kind of merged over time.

Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger (Secret Lair Drop)
Mike Burns

Three-Headed Goblin (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

It's true that two heads are better than one, but after that you run into diminishing returns.

Party Crasher (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Haste You can attack with this creature once each combat during each opponent's turn.

No rest. No mercy. No reservations.

Goblin Cruciverbalist (Unfinity)
Mike Burns

Haste When this creature enters, create a colorless artifact token named your choice of A, E, I, O, or U. Whenever this creature attacks, using the first letters of the names of permanents you control, spell a word you haven't spelled this game. It gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each letter in that word.

Beast in Show (Unstable)
Mike Burns

Trample

"We've not seen one of these on the podium for many seasons. Such magnificent posture and the perfect amount of telltale odor."

Handy Dandy Clone Machine (Unstable)
Mike Burns

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

Early testing failed because the clones were all thumbs.