A-Ominous Parcel

Blessing of Belzenlok (The List)
Joe Slucher

Target creature gets +2/+1 until end of turn. If it's legendary, it also gains lifelink until end of turn.

"My heart is not mine, it is Belzenlok's. All hearts are his, and all blood." —"Rite of Belzenlok"

Gluttonous Troll (The List)
Joe Slucher

Trample When this creature enters, create a number of Food tokens equal to the number of opponents you have. (Food tokens are artifacts with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.") {1}{G}, Sacrifice another nonland permanent: This creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Hired Poisoner (Guilds of Ravnica)
Joe Slucher

Deathtouch

"They don't even feel the cut. I'm ordering a drink in a nearby tavern before anyone notices something's wrong."

Recruit the Worthy (Modern Horizons)
Joe Slucher

Buyback {3} (You may pay an additional {3} as you cast this spell. If you do, put this card into your hand as it resolves.) Create a 1/1 white Soldier creature token.

For peace of mind, they mustered for war.

Bane's Invoker (Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate)
Joe Slucher

Wind Walk — {8}: Up to two target creatures each get +2/+2 and gain flying until end of turn.

"The Lord of Darkness elevates only those who serve."

Incisor Glider (Phyrexia: All Will Be One)
Joe Slucher

Flying Corrupted — Whenever this creature attacks, if an opponent has three or more poison counters, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.

"You think it's creepy now? You should see how it eats." —Melira

Sapphire Dragon (Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate)
Joe Slucher

Mystic Skull (Innistrad: Midnight Hunt)
Joe Slucher

Sun-Blessed Mount (Ixalan)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, you may search your library and/or graveyard for a card named Huatli, Dinosaur Knight, reveal it, then put it into your hand. If you searched your library this way, shuffle.

When Huatli chooses a mount, its eyes glow with the flames of the sun.

Loyal Apprentice (Aetherdrift Commander)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Loyal Apprentice (Phyrexia: All Will Be One Commander)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Blessing of Belzenlok (Dominaria)
Joe Slucher

Target creature gets +2/+1 until end of turn. If it's legendary, it also gains lifelink until end of turn.

"My heart is not mine, it is Belzenlok's. All hearts are his, and all blood." —"Rite of Belzenlok"

Millikin (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

{T}, Mill a card: Add {C}. (To mill a card, put the top card of your library into your graveyard.)

"Another failure," grumbled the toymaker. She slammed the door with such gusto that she failed to notice the eyes watching her.

Dreadhound (Innistrad: Midnight Hunt)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, mill three cards. (Put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard.) Whenever a creature dies or a creature card is put into a graveyard from a library, each opponent loses 1 life.

It herds souls toward eternal torment.

Obsessive Stitcher (The List)
Joe Slucher

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card. {2}{U}{B}, {T}, Sacrifice this creature: Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

No one is as dedicated to perfection as a stitcher working on their latest masterpiece.

Obsessive Stitcher (Core Set 2021)
Joe Slucher

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card. {2}{U}{B}, {T}, Sacrifice this creature: Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

No one is as dedicated to perfection as a stitcher working on their latest masterpiece.

Skullwinder (Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate)
Joe Slucher

Deathtouch When this creature enters, return target card from your graveyard to your hand, then choose an opponent. That player returns a card from their graveyard to their hand.

Stuffed Bear (Innistrad: Midnight Hunt)
Joe Slucher

{2}: This artifact becomes a 4/4 green Bear artifact creature until end of turn.

It takes a taxidermist of unusual skill to cleanly stuff and mount a beast without severing its primal, predatory drive.

Weapon Rack (Jumpstart 2022)
Joe Slucher

This artifact enters with three +1/+1 counters on it. {T}: Move a +1/+1 counter from this artifact onto target creature. Activate only as a sorcery.

No weapon stays on the rack for long in the Burning Yard.

Ominous Parcel (Streets of New Capenna)
Joe Slucher

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle. {5}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: It deals 4 damage to target creature.

The rest of Anhelo's assistant arrived over the following week.

Phantom Ninja (Modern Horizons)
Joe Slucher

This creature can't be blocked.

"Ninjas can run across water, pull ladders from pockets, kill with a kiss, and slip between bricks. Pack of lies, I say." —Benden, teahouse gossip

Excavating Anurid (Modern Horizons)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, you may sacrifice a land. If you do, draw a card. Threshold — As long as seven or more cards are in your graveyard, this creature gets +1/+1 and has vigilance.

Turg's spawn ruled long after he croaked.

Loyal Apprentice (Commander 2018)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Fiery Finish (Core Set 2019)
Joe Slucher

Fiery Finish deals 7 damage to target creature.

Negotiations reached an abrupt conclusion.

Phantom Ninja (Foundations Jumpstart)
Joe Slucher

This creature can't be blocked.

"Ninjas can run across water, pull ladders from pockets, kill with a kiss, and slip between bricks. Pack of lies, I say." —Benden, teahouse gossip

Ramunap Excavator (Hour of Devastation Promos)
Joe Slucher

You may play lands from your graveyard.

"This world was once so much more than the confines of Naktamun."

Demotion (Guilds of Ravnica)
Joe Slucher

Enchant creature Enchanted creature can't block, and its activated abilities can't be activated.

There's no greater honor than joining your chosen guild, and no greater shame than failing it.

Luxurious Libation (Streets of New Capenna)
Joe Slucher

Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn. Create a 1/1 green and white Citizen creature token.

"Crisp, flavorful, and energizing. Perhaps the most elegant offering of Halo in Park Heights. Five stars." —Conzuelo, restaurant critic

Soul-Strike Technique (The List)
Joe Slucher

Enchant creature Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has vigilance. When enchanted creature dies, manifest the top card of your library. (Put it onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it's a creature card.)

Molten Gatekeeper (Modern Horizons 3)
Joe Slucher

Whenever another creature you control enters, this creature deals 1 damage to each opponent. Unearth {R} ({R}: Return this card from your graveyard to the battlefield. It gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step or if it would leave the battlefield. Unearth only as a sorcery.)

Witty Roastmaster (Streets of New Capenna)
Joe Slucher

Alliance — Whenever another creature you control enters, this creature deals 1 damage to each opponent.

If you're lucky, you'll walk out with just your ego singed.

Jewel Thief (Streets of New Capenna)
Joe Slucher

Vigilance, trample When this creature enters, create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

"They can afford the loss. They build it into their prices."

Universal Solvent (Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate)
Joe Slucher

{7}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Destroy target permanent.

A few drops could dissolve the webs of Lolth herself.

Loyal Apprentice (Commander Masters)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Mystic Skull (Innistrad: Double Feature)
Joe Slucher

Mathas, Fiend Seeker (Double Masters 2022)
Joe Slucher

Menace At the beginning of your end step, put a bounty counter on target creature an opponent controls. For as long as that creature has a bounty counter on it, it has "When this creature dies, each opponent draws a card and gains 2 life."

"All will know of your crimes."

Healer's Flock (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

Flying, lifelink

The sight of a flock overhead is bittersweet. It means many are wounded, but it also means help is on the way.

Cult Conscript (Dominaria United)
Joe Slucher

This creature enters tapped. {1}{B}: Return this card from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if a non-Skeleton creature died under your control this turn.

His eternal rest turned out to be more of a quick nap.

Malefic Scythe (Core Set 2021)
Joe Slucher

This Equipment enters with a soul counter on it. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each soul counter on this Equipment. Whenever equipped creature dies, put a soul counter on this Equipment. Equip {1} ({1}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

Gluttonous Troll (Commander 2021)
Joe Slucher

Trample When this creature enters, create a number of Food tokens equal to the number of opponents you have. (Food tokens are artifacts with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.") {1}{G}, Sacrifice another nonland permanent: This creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Embercleave (Throne of Eldraine Promos)
Joe Slucher

Flash This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control. When Embercleave enters, attach it to target creature you control. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample. Equip {3}

Soul-Strike Technique (Modern Horizons)
Joe Slucher

Enchant creature Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has vigilance. When enchanted creature dies, manifest the top card of your library. (Put it onto the battlefield face down as a 2/2 creature. Turn it face up any time for its mana cost if it's a creature card.)

Rescue (Dominaria)
Joe Slucher

Return target permanent you control to its owner's hand.

With just a few seconds to escape, Deryan saved Hurkyl's editions on restoring physical objects from ash.

Weapon Rack (Throne of Eldraine)
Joe Slucher

This artifact enters with three +1/+1 counters on it. {T}: Move a +1/+1 counter from this artifact onto target creature. Activate only as a sorcery.

No weapon stays on the rack for long in the Burning Yard.

Bloodline Necromancer (Commander 2017)
Joe Slucher

Lifelink When this creature enters, you may return target Vampire or Wizard creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

"The veil of death hides little from our kind."

Defile (Modern Horizons 1 Timeshifts)
Joe Slucher

Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn for each Swamp you control.

The only shortcut in a bog is to the bottom.

Giant Ox (Kaldheim)
Joe Slucher

This creature crews Vehicles using its toughness rather than its power.

"How strong is he? Well, I once lost control of the plow, and he carved a furrow right through my house! Didn't even slow down." —Guldir, Beskir farmer

Hostile Minotaur (Core Set 2020)
Joe Slucher

Haste (This creature can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)

The bellow of a minotaur always translates to "charge."

Forgotten Sentinel (Core Set 2021)
Joe Slucher

This creature enters tapped.

It was built to withstand the ages, but no one remembers who built it or why it keeps its eternal watch.

Jewel Thief (The List)
Joe Slucher

Vigilance, trample When this creature enters, create a Treasure token. (It's an artifact with "{T}, Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")

"They can afford the loss. They build it into their prices."

Obsessive Stitcher (Forgotten Realms Commander)
Joe Slucher

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card. {2}{U}{B}, {T}, Sacrifice this creature: Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

No one is as dedicated to perfection as a stitcher working on their latest masterpiece.

Vanquisher's Axe (Dominaria United)
Joe Slucher

Equipped creature gets +2/+0. Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

When a Keldon takes a trophy from an enemy, it's usually something they can use to kill more enemies.

Dreadhound (The List)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, mill three cards. (Put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard.) Whenever a creature dies or a creature card is put into a graveyard from a library, each opponent loses 1 life.

It herds souls toward eternal torment.

Dreadhound (Foundations Jumpstart)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, mill three cards. (Put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard.) Whenever a creature dies or a creature card is put into a graveyard from a library, each opponent loses 1 life.

It herds souls toward eternal torment.

Azra Bladeseeker (The List)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, each player on your team may discard a card, then each player who discarded a card this way draws a card.

"Never get too attached to a weapon. You must allow a better one to find its way to you."

Bannerhide Krushok (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

Trample Reinforce 2—{1}{G} ({1}{G}, Discard this card: Put two +1/+1 counters on target creature.) Scavenge {5}{G}{G} ({5}{G}{G}, Exile this card from your graveyard: Put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to this card's power on target creature. Scavenge only as a sorcery.)

Colossal Plow (Neon Dynasty Commander)
Joe Slucher

Whenever this Vehicle attacks, add {W}{W}{W} and you gain 3 life. Until end of turn, you don't lose this mana as steps and phases end. Crew 6 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 6 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)

Suspicious Detonation (Murders at Karlov Manor)
Joe Slucher

This spell costs {3} less to cast if you've sacrificed an artifact this turn. This spell can't be countered. (This includes by the ward ability.) Suspicious Detonation deals 4 damage to target creature.

"Clearly someone wanted us to find this." —Runubi of the Foundway Associates

Dreadhound (Innistrad: Double Feature)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, mill three cards. (Put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard.) Whenever a creature dies or a creature card is put into a graveyard from a library, each opponent loses 1 life.

It herds souls toward eternal torment.

Glinting Creeper (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

Converge — This creature enters with two +1/+1 counters on it for each color of mana spent to cast it. This creature can't be blocked by creatures with power 2 or less.

Natural crystalline growths filter and refract light in dazzling displays that attract pollinators and daze predators.

Defile (Modern Horizons)
Joe Slucher

Target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn for each Swamp you control.

The only shortcut in a bog is to the bottom.

Hostile Minotaur (Core Set 2019)
Joe Slucher

Haste (This creature can attack and {T} as soon as it comes under your control.)

The bellow of a minotaur always translates to "charge."

Ichorspit Basilisk (Phyrexia: All Will Be One)
Joe Slucher

Deathtouch Toxic 1 (Players dealt combat damage by this creature also get a poison counter.)

Warm forges and tasty goblins lured it from the Hunter Maze to the Quiet Furnace.

Crystalline Resonance (Commander 2020)
Joe Slucher

Whenever you cycle a card, you may have this enchantment become a copy of another target permanent until your next turn, except it has this ability.

"As a boulder diverts a stream, the crystals bend life around them." —Rielle, the Everwise

Loyal Apprentice (Forgotten Realms Commander)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Silver Raven (Adventures in the Forgotten Realms)
Joe Slucher

Flying When this creature enters, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom.)

Wings take flight on whispered wind.

Loyal Apprentice (Tarkir: Dragonstorm Commander)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Stuffed Bear (Innistrad: Double Feature)
Joe Slucher

{2}: This artifact becomes a 4/4 green Bear artifact creature until end of turn.

It takes a taxidermist of unusual skill to cleanly stuff and mount a beast without severing its primal, predatory drive.

Azra Bladeseeker (Battlebond)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, each player on your team may discard a card, then each player who discarded a card this way draws a card.

"Never get too attached to a weapon. You must allow a better one to find its way to you."

Bloodline Necromancer (Crimson Vow Commander)
Joe Slucher

Lifelink When this creature enters, you may return target Vampire or Wizard creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

"The veil of death hides little from our kind."

Embercleave (The List)
Joe Slucher

Flash This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control. When Embercleave enters, attach it to target creature you control. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample. Equip {3}

Toll of the Invasion (War of the Spark)
Joe Slucher

Target opponent reveals their hand. You choose a nonland card from it. That player discards that card. Amass Zombies 1. (Put a +1/+1 counter on an Army you control. It's also a Zombie. If you don't control an Army, create a 0/0 black Zombie Army creature token first.)

Dreadhound (Jumpstart 2022)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, mill three cards. (Put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard.) Whenever a creature dies or a creature card is put into a graveyard from a library, each opponent loses 1 life.

It herds souls toward eternal torment.

Draugr's Helm (Kaldheim)
Joe Slucher

When this Equipment enters, you may pay {2}{B}. If you do, create a 2/2 black Zombie Berserker creature token, then attach this Equipment to it. Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has menace. (It can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.) Equip {4}

Goblin Anarchomancer (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

Each spell you cast that's red or green costs {1} less to cast.

A good Gruul shaman can work a whole clan into a frenzy. A great one will wait until the enemy's nearby.

Fire Elemental (Dominaria)
Joe Slucher

"The best way to learn from a book on pyromancy is to burn it." —Jaya Ballard

Embercleave (Throne of Eldraine Promos)
Joe Slucher

Flash This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control. When Embercleave enters, attach it to target creature you control. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample. Equip {3}

Goblin Anarchomancer (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

Each spell you cast that's red or green costs {1} less to cast.

A good Gruul shaman can work a whole clan into a frenzy. A great one will wait until the enemy's nearby.

Loyal Apprentice (The List)
Joe Slucher

Haste Lieutenant — At the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control your commander, create a 1/1 colorless Thopter artifact creature token with flying. That token gains haste until end of turn.

Those with knowledge are wise to listen to those with imagination.

Fire Elemental (Core Set 2020)
Joe Slucher

"The best way to learn from a book on pyromancy is to burn it." —Jaya Ballard

The Underworld Cookbook (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

{T}, Discard a card: Create a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.") {4}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.

The Underworld Cookbook (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

{T}, Discard a card: Create a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.") {4}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.

Gluttonous Troll (Throne of Eldraine)
Joe Slucher

Trample When this creature enters, create a number of Food tokens equal to the number of opponents you have. (Food tokens are artifacts with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.") {1}{G}, Sacrifice another nonland permanent: This creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Embercleave (Throne of Eldraine)
Joe Slucher

Flash This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control. When Embercleave enters, attach it to target creature you control. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample. Equip {3}

Divine Gambit (Kaldheim)
Joe Slucher

Exile target artifact, creature, or enchantment an opponent controls. That player may put a permanent card from their hand onto the battlefield.

There are rules, and then there are gods.

Embercleave (Throne of Eldraine)
Joe Slucher

Flash This spell costs {1} less to cast for each attacking creature you control. When Embercleave enters, attach it to target creature you control. Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has double strike and trample. Equip {3}

Mathas, Fiend Seeker (Commander 2017)
Joe Slucher

Menace At the beginning of your end step, put a bounty counter on target creature an opponent controls. For as long as that creature has a bounty counter on it, it has "When this creature dies, each opponent draws a card and gains 2 life."

"All will know of your crimes."

Bucknard's Everfull Purse (Forgotten Realms Commander)
Joe Slucher

{1}, {T}: Roll a d4 and create a number of Treasure tokens equal to the result. The player to your right gains control of this artifact.

As long as it's never left empty, this magic pouch produces coins every dawn.

Insect (Innistrad: Crimson Vow Tokens)
Joe Slucher

Giant Ox (Jumpstart 2022)
Joe Slucher

This creature crews Vehicles using its toughness rather than its power.

"How strong is he? Well, I once lost control of the plow, and he carved a furrow right through my house! Didn't even slow down." —Guldir, Beskir farmer

Bucknard's Everfull Purse (The List)
Joe Slucher

{1}, {T}: Roll a d4 and create a number of Treasure tokens equal to the result. The player to your right gains control of this artifact.

As long as it's never left empty, this magic pouch produces coins every dawn.

Vectis Gloves (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

Equipped creature gets +2/+0 and has artifact landwalk. (It can't be blocked as long as defending player controls an artifact land.) Equip {2}

Thieves love technological innovations almost as much as artificers do.

Millikin (Tarkir: Dragonstorm Commander)
Joe Slucher

{T}, Mill a card: Add {C}. (To mill a card, put the top card of your library into your graveyard.)

"Another failure," grumbled the toymaker. She slammed the door with such gusto that she failed to notice the eyes watching her.

Millikin (Dominaria Remastered)
Joe Slucher

{T}, Mill a card: Add {C}. (To mill a card, put the top card of your library into your graveyard.)

"Another failure," grumbled the toymaker. She slammed the door with such gusto that she failed to notice the eyes watching her.

Colossal Plow (Kaldheim)
Joe Slucher

Whenever this Vehicle attacks, add {W}{W}{W} and you gain 3 life. Until end of turn, you don't lose this mana as steps and phases end. Crew 6 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 6 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)

Steel Dromedary (Modern Horizons 2)
Joe Slucher

This creature enters tapped with two +1/+1 counters on it. This creature doesn't untap during your untap step if it has a +1/+1 counter on it. At the beginning of combat on your turn, you may move a +1/+1 counter from this creature onto target creature.

Bond of Insight (War of the Spark)
Joe Slucher

Each player mills four cards. Return up to two instant and/or sorcery cards from your graveyard to your hand. Exile Bond of Insight.

"Together we can unlock secrets no one has even dreamed of. I might even let you remember some of them."

Fire Elemental (Foundations)
Joe Slucher

"The best way to learn from a book on pyromancy is to burn it." —Jaya Ballard

Darkblade Agent (Guilds of Ravnica)
Joe Slucher

As long as you've surveilled this turn, this creature has deathtouch and "Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you draw a card."

"I've seen your house, and you've been a lovely, if unwitting, host. But at last it's time for farewells."

Chrome Cat (Streets of New Capenna)
Joe Slucher

When this creature enters, scry 1.

"I always say, 'If it's breathing, it's lying.' Luckily my friend here does neither." —Lord Xander